I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
