I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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