3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
