My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
