I just pynch a tree in the face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
