It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
