you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
