I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
