Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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