I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
