I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
