If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
