after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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