And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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