It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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