I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
