STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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