you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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