This girl is more easily done than said...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
