SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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