i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
