I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
