It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
