they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
