I hate all girls vehemently.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
