Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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