After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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