My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
