5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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