Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
