She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
