I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
