Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
