let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
