wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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