I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
