What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
