I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
