Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
