Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
