I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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