have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
