"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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