Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
