I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He shit in the fireplace
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