Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
