wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
