Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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