Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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