i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
