And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
