does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
